Friday, December 4, 2009

Yes, Well...

So, cleaning has ground to a standstill pretty much. The washing machine keeps chugging away, but the mountain of clean clothes in our bedroom is reaching all new heights. If I don't get them folded and put away soon, one of two things will happen, to the same end...

A) They will get spread all over the floor, trodden on and have to be washed again without being worn


B) The cat will pee on there somewhere, and it'll all have to be washed again without being worn.

However, I have done enough that Adam and I should be able to pull an all nighter, or at least a late one, and have it done this evening.

But I am emotionally exhausted.

November has been CRAZY financially. We had three cars break down. We had registration due... School bond to pay... money lost... money tied up... the girls ballet production costume hire... food (our one shocking habit)... the fridge needed new seals... the utilities bill is due any day now... and so on and so forth.

I am convinced God will provide. This does not mean however, that the month has not worn me down. It also doesn't mean I didn't totally flip out at the customer service chick on the other end of the line today, when I rang in a panic because my card wouldn't work at the ATM.

"It looks as if your card is damaged. I will send you a new one, but it will take 7-14 days. I hope you didn't need any money."

You know the proverbial last straw? That was it. I crumbled. I completely lost it. Saying such helpful things like "what a stupid thing to say! Why else would I go to an ATM if I didn't need money?!"

I am all forgiveness and light, obviously. And also obviously, my normal, laid back, low blood pressure character was temporarily hijacked by some neurotic psycho with no self control and blood pressure through the roof.

I rang The Hubsand in tears. I never cry over money. Well, hardly ever. Not for a long time, anyway. We have, as I mentioned the other day, guests coming for dinner on Christmas day, and I haven't even started shopping for food, or even ordered the meat. I just didn't see how we could make it work.

Today I will go up to where the kids Christmas toys are on layaway and will cancel it to get the money we have paid on it back. And we will start again, only with less stuff. We will look at getting some of the bigger, more special stuff we had (the Wii etc) in the January sales.

And we will continue to believe that God is in control. We will continue to trust in Him. Sure, I've failed in the "be joyful in ALL things". But I know I've never questioned that He will come through. I might not know how exactly, He plans on doing that, but really, is that for me to know prior to it happening?

1 comment:

Erin said...

Financial problems are very hard. When Kelsey was a baby and I was a single mom, we used to eat dinner at my parent's house all the time because I couldn't afford groceries. It can weigh on you after a while. God WILL provide for Him. I will pray for you!