Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Adieu 2008

It was not a perfect year. But has there ever been a perfect year? Has there ever been a year when all the love and health and fame we wished for one another came to pass?

Yet, despite the disappointments of these, our complex lives, we learn to make do - make better - make believe that better days will come.

And if we continue to believe, who is to say that the perfect year will not yet be here?

Welcome, 2009.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's Christmas Eve

Have a merry Christmas all. Thanks for dropping in :)

Remember, too, as you have a room full of laughing family, that "One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." (Andy Rooney)

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter 'The House') a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel eg. stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St Nick aka St Nicholas aka Santa Claus (hereinafter 'Claus') would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionary treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as 'I'), being the joint owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter 'Mamma'), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter, the Vehicle) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspiritors by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (Hereinafter 'the Deer'). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspiritor named 'Rudolph' may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered the House via the chimney.

Said Clause was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute 'gifts' to said minors pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the house to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited, and/or served as 'lookouts'. Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Or words to that effect.

Aurthor Unknown

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Martha Stewart's Christmas Holiday To-Do List

1 December: Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray-paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
2 December: Contact local choir to record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine
3 Decmeber: Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling with macha trim
4 December: Get new eyeglasses. Grind lens self
5 December: Fax family Christams newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration
6 December: Debug Windows '95
9 December: Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth
11 December: Lay Faberg`e egg
12 December: Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble
13 December: Collect dentures. They make excelent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative piecrusts.
14 December: Install plumbing in gingerbread house
15 December: Adjust legs of chairs so all Christmas dinner guests are the same hight when sitting down
16 December: Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in icing sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture
17 December: Drain city resevoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks
18 December: Float votive candles in toilet tank
20 December: Seed clouds for white Christmas
21 December: Do festive good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last-minute Christmas shopping, thus making people feel less inadequite than they really are
23 December: Organise spice racks by genus and phylum
24 December: Build snowman in exact likeness of God
25 December: Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in colour-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpurri
New Years Eve: Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Be near me, Lord Jesus

The Christmas School holidays have begun.

Otherwise known as The Ultimate Test of Sanity.

One has bled profusely. Already.

It's going to be a long six weeks.

Have you ever wondered if God looks at us and thinks to himself that we're perpetually like kids on an extended holiday?

For example, today, the very. first. day, my children have been

They've hit each other, lied, yelled, broken things and thrown tantrums.

Isn't it great to know that our Father God doesn't get snappy like I do, or shrill, fed up, short tempered or longing for the day when "they'll be gone all day".

My kids are a handful. I will be relying on Him a lot.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Possibly TMI, but anyway...

The Lord blessed me in the chest area. Abundantly.

It's not something that I particularly enjoy about myself, not being a wanton hussy who shows them off at every available oppertunity.

However, that being said, a lot of people thank that I am, simply because of their size, which is unfair, as it's not something I can do alot about. I struggle to dress modestly. I do so to the best of my ability, however, you just can't help but notice them. They're kind of out there.

Earlier this year, I was accused by my husbands best mate (and his wife) of dressing provocatively around him and flirting with him. My own husband's first reaction was to bust out laughing, the accusation was just that ridiculous. The second was to snot the guy.

I had never been in J's presence alone the entire time I had known him. They were members of our small group, which was held at our place, and most of the time, I hadn't even brushed my hair that day, and hadn't even taken the time to change my clothes and freshen up for my own husband, let alone look provocative for someone elses.

I'll take this moment to say that C is as FLAT AS A TACK.

But there's no bitterness there, no sireee.

I won't go into all the details of how this deeply affected me, for days, weeks and even months, suffice to say it was all very confusing, humiliating and hurtful, there was a bunch of stuff said and we don't speak anymore. And they left the church the next day.

All of that was to preface this: I got a referal to a plastic surgeon about a month ago. When I gave it into his office to book an appointment, I was told he was not taking on any more patients this year, and wouldn't be looking at any referals until the new year.

I got a letter last week, telling me I had an appointment with him the beginning of February.

I'm not doing it because of what happened. I'll admit that the knee jerk reaction was to go out and get a loan to have the work done the very next day. But I didn't, because that would be doing something rather dramatic in the wrong spirit. This is something that I have been contemplating for many, many years. However, I can no longer find clothes that fit me without looking like a tent, I have permanent dents in my shoulders from the weight, my back is constantly sore, and I recently had a mole cut out of one , and the weight of them popped the stitches. I purchase my bras from England because you can't buy my size commercially (30K), and I pay on average $100 AUD a bra.

Over here, a reduction is classified as a medical procedure, not a cosmetic one, and therefore fully covered by medicare. (I love "socialised medicine" *cheeky wink* It works over here.) Yet, I'd put it off for years and years. However, it's become more than ridiculous. My husband is fully supportive (though a little sad *wink*) and he has been wonderful through the whole ordeal.

*shrug* The letter has made it all a little more real, I suppose. Don't quite know how to process it all. I know it's not going to make me a better person, just a more comfortable one.